No Idiots, China Won the Olympics

Now that the Olympics are officially over, I want to take a moment to point out the absurdity of the medal tracking used by major media outlets, at least here in the United States. Similar to the tracker below from CNN, we are forgetting to weight these fucking scores when determining the most successful countries in all around Olympic performance. CNN will have you believe that the United States won the “Gold” in the Olympics, but I beg to differ.

Let’s do some simple math to determine the real winner….

Gold = 3 points

Silver = 2 points

Bronze = 1 point

*The country with the most cumulative points wins. It’s that simple.

United States Point Breakdown:

36 Gold (36*3) = 108

38 Silver (38*2) = 76

36 Bronze (36*1) = 36

Total points for the United States = 220

China Points breakdown:

51 Gold (51*3) = 153

21 Silver (21*2) = 42

28 Bronze (28*1) = 28

Total points for China = 223

China won the fucking Olympics. The prehistorically simple medal tracking calculation needs to go, and I believe that I have proposed a fair solution. In gymnastics, diving, and an absurd number of other more obscure sports, scores are calculated to the hundredth of a point, but for the big win, the all around most athletically badass country, we resort to simply going with the total number of medals. What the fuck. I hate to say it, but China won the Olympics…by one twelve year-old gymnast.

Update:  Great post on China winning the Olympics.

Obama Unveils Aggressive ‘Hope Preservation Plan’

Denver, CO-Speaking before an audience at the University of Colorado at Boulder, the likely Democratic presidential candidate outlined an ambitious plan to restore the country’s depleting hope reserves, which he claimed were ‘devastatingly low.’

During the speech, Obama made clear his intentions to implement a fourteen point plan which would include comprehensive ‘happy care’ for every citizen, a policy of turning frowns upside down, and equal access to cotton candy for every American. “For the last eight years citizens of this, the greatest country in the world, have suffered through a never-ending war, an ever weakening economy, and an administration that has refused needed medicine to it’s own countrymen”, he went on to explain that, ” by medicine, I off course am referring to the best medicine of all, laughter.”

The crowd seemed to eat up every last word of Obama’s twenty-minute speech in which he criticized the current administrations policies. “Since this administration has taken office, America has seen euphoria, enthusiasm and half-cup fullitiveness dip below an unprecedented twenty percent.” he went on to say that “this is unacceptable and, if elected, under my plan not only make will I make hope go green, but I will make it profitable to do so.” At this point in the speech Obama brought out machines that shot “hope” dogs into the crowd.

While Obama did not go into any detail on how his Hope Preservation Plan was going to get the US out of Iraq, or strengthen its economy, the attendees seemed pleased with his speech. ” He gave me this T-Shirt,” exclaimed Mike Gange, a 25-year-old city college student who was referring to a shirt giving out during the rally with the words ” Don’t say Nope to Hope” displayed across the front.

Many critics of Obama’s pointed to this, his latest speech, as being consistent with a pattern of vapid, repetitive rhetoric that, ultimately, offers no solutions to any of the problems that America, or the world at large, faces today. ” Obama is a great showmen,” said Colorado Republican chairman Richard Hamswad,” but his brilliant theatrics in no way equate to brilliant politics,” he said,” I just don’t understand how chanting ‘ice cream Mondays’ would persuade anyone to vote for him.”

Depending on which poll you trust, Obama either has a gigantic lead or a small one, but anyone who had attended this rally would rightly assume that McCain has no chance in hope. While Senator Barack Obama did not make himself available to answer questions after his speech, his representatives assured the press that he would answer any question after his speech at the Hope-o-caust museum in Washington D.C. next week, we can only assume that means the Holocaust Museum.

Marvin The Human & DJ Jack Nimble

The worlds smartest man is a fitting name for this blog granted that a good amount of the new music posted here is from over seas. This week check out Marvin from UK. He has been in the UK rap scene for awhile now, originally going as Marvin the Martian in the rap crew Why Lout. He just released his new disc called “Devil in the distance” which is pretty cool from what I have heard so far. The tracks today are from a mix he put out a while back. It is quite common in the UK for rappers to build a fan base by releasing free remix album before their original album. If you like these tracks you can download the entire 29 track mix here.

Bonus points for guessing what songs he remixed! Stay tuned next week for some electronic music from Japan.

Enjoy-

Caseytron