Young Starlet Set to Star in Upcoming Project

Hollywood, CA– Insider sources have confirmed that an up and coming starlet internationally recognized as one of the bright shinning stars on the horizon is set to star in a major motion picture which will go into production some time within the next year or so.

The project, which is reportedly going to cost the studio up to millions of dollars to produce, is widely expected to appeal to a large number of customers in the U.S. as well as internationally and will most likely make millions more back in the box office.Ugh.

Many allegedly involved with the feature are keeping their cards close to their vest leaving the potentially massive audience in collective anticipation.

“I can’t comment on any project in the early stages of development,” said  studio exec Harvey Weinstein from his office in Culver City. “Especially if you continue to refuse to give me even the subtlest hint as to what project you are referring to.”

However frustrating, Weinstein’s reluctance to speak on tinsel town’s darling starlet and her next big move is not exactly atypical in a business full of secrets and surprises. One reason for  all of the secrecy could be due to rumors surfacing around town that the future Oscar contender and her film may be having some trouble getting off the runway. But who cares.

“If there is any truth to these rumors, then we could be dealing with one of the worst cases of career suicide we have seen in years,” said Conner Hughes who wastes his time running an extremely popular entertainment blog. Hughes went on to say that if someone would be a little more specific as to what star or project we were referring to he might be able to “speak on the subject with less blind speculation”.

So the question remains: What exactly is going wrong on the set of this film and why is everyone keeping so mum in a town where gossip normally leaks from every crack and seam?

Some people have even claimed that this project may in fact not exist and, in an even more bizarre twist, have accused this reporter of writing a baseless and ambiguous piece in an effort to mask the fact that instead of doing his job he went out to get drunk with his old college roommate who was going through his second divorce and needed a drinking buddy.

At the time of publication, the roommate in question has not responded to messages left on his cell or home, making no attempt at addressing these allegations.

However, the author of this piece while neither denying or confirming the fabrication of this story did seem to question whether or not he was “wasting his life and Ivy league education” by writing this “incalculably unimportant dribble” before going on to suggest that ” working on the assembly line at a giant cock factory as a giant cock lubricator would be less degrading than his current occupation” and apologizing to his family and the general public for pushing this “mental diarrhea” down their throats while promising to “take a good long look in the mirror” before heading into work the following morning.

New Music Monday: SALEM - TRAPDOOR

If you like drinking cough syrup, you might like this track from Salem.

Obama Launches Largest Rescue Mission in U.S. History

West Point, NY–  Speaking from West Point on Tuesday Obama announced his intention to launch a massive and unprecedented rescue mission in which he will dispatch up to 30,000 U.S. troops deep into the heart of Afghanistan in hopes of bringing back the 70,000 or so soldiers currently trapped in hostile territory.

“The time for action is now,” Obama said while speaking in front of a group of cadets at West Point. ” We can no longer sit and wonder when our men and women stationed behind enemy lines will be returning home to their families. Which is why I am setting in motion a plan to send a clandestine team of 30,000 rescue troops into Afghanistan to free these brave men and women, finally bringing an end to the injustices they have endured during the last eight years”.

This announcement could not have come sooner for families of the U.S. troops abroad, some of whom have loved ones that have been in Afghanistan for over fourteen months. Troops who have been doing anything they could to survive through a quagmire imposed upon them by the people of Afghanistan when they allowed nineteen Saudi Arabian, Egyptian, and United Emirate hijackers to attack the U.S. on September 11, 2001.

Obama went on to express regret that diplomacy had failed to bring these troops home and assured the U.S. public that his administration considered “every possible action” before deciding that the only sure way to bring home as many men and women possible was to send in additional troops to rescue the troops as well as help with the packing and carrying of wounded soldiers supplies and personal belongings.

Senior administration officials said Tuesday that this was the “largest effort” to bring American troops home from Afghanistan since 2001 and sends a clear message to any enemy of U.S. that we will “no longer idly sit by as they continue in their efforts to defend themselves”.

Obama said that he does not intend to keep the troops in Afghanistan a moment longer than it would take to accomplish the objectives of the mission which include securing all troops and defeating anyone determined to be an enemy, before swiftly instituting country wide infrastructure and a working Afghan government to ensure that the few remaining enemies of the U.S. don’t try to “pull another stunt like this ever again”.

President Obama finished his speech with a bold guarantee to bring home the troops in Afghanistan and end a seemingly endless war.

“We cannot and shall not fail in this historic mission to bring these troops home safe. It will not be easy, it never is. But I can guarantee you that this mission will be a success, I will bring these soldiers home by 2011 or, at the very latest, by the time that the war is over”.