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A Mile High Story: Hammer Time

September 13, 2011

 WSM has an autobiography coming out in late 2012 “A Mile HIGH Story” and we will be releasing excerpts of the book in the preceding months. Here is the second excerpt form Chapter 23. Enjoy!

There is an old saying that says something about stress or some shit, it was in the Bible. God damn could I relate to that saying back one Friday in the summer of 2000. Damn that nigga Jesus could write. I think I read somewhere that he wrote the whole thing in one sitting. Son of God or not that is impressive. R.I.P. Jesus.

 Anyway, it was hot that day, hot like a frying pan baking in the hot summer sun on one of the hottest days in recorded hotstory.  The heat was intensifying the friction between the crews in N. and S. Boulder. No one wanted a war but just like the women I slept with that summer it was coming. 

I spent the morning on the phone with Jay-Z, he was begging me to ghost write on his upcoming album and it was starting to get pathetic. He just refused to accept that I put down the pen when Biggie and Pac died. Maybe I am being superstitious but I can’t help but feel guilt that the rhymes I wrote for Biggie and Tupac in many of their most beloved songs may have in some way led to their demise.

Just after I hung up the phone started to ring. Just another Friday in the city of Angels which is what I called Boulder.

“Who dis?” I said with my voice.

“Don’t matter who dis is son. Just know this- We coming for you suckaaaa. We coming for youuuuuuuu.”

“Yeah but who is this? Just so I know who is coming for me.”

“I ain’t gonna say who dis is dummy. That will ruin the surprise.Click!”

“Did you hang up? Cause it kinda sounded like you just shouted ‘Click’ into the phone really loudly.”

“I ain’t sayinnnnnnn’”

“Well clearly you did not hang up because I can still hear you.”

She hung up the phone.

Someone was out to get me. And I ain’t planning on getting got. If anything I get others got, on the spot, whether they like it or not.

The phone rang again.

“Hey you hung up before telling me who you were..”

“What?” Said a soft and sultry voice.

“This is heather,…um the lifeguard from the pool where you teach break dance swimming.”

I don’t know what it is but I find it very attractive when you can hear the nervousness in a girl’s voice over the phone, desperately hoping you won’t spurn their advances. How pathetic.

“Um I know you don’t know me but I watch you swim at the pool and got your number from the ladies locker room wall and I don’t know if—”

“Lifeguard stop- your starting to turn me off.”

“Oh I just wanted to–”

I interrupted again.

“Listen lifeguard are you a fan of early 90′s Rap?”

“Well yes I am, why?”

“Cause it’s Hammer Time”

“I’ll be right over”

“And lifeguard?”

“Yes?”

“Bring a turkey sandwich.”

Click.

Comments

2 Responses to “A Mile High Story: Hammer Time”

  1. Samantha on September 14th, 2011 6:36 am

    I will always think of this post as one of my favorites and one of your best.

  2. Ethan on September 17th, 2011 10:06 pm

    Not what I expected, but hilarious.

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