Bush Declares Hurricane Gustav a Dismal Failure.
September 3, 2008
Washington, D.C.- In an interview on board Air Force One as it circled the destruction caused by Hurricane Gustav on Monday, Bush expressed his disappointment in Gustav’s failure to live up to it’s expected level of devastation in the Gulf Coast.
“I knew I should not have listened to all of the pre-coverage,” Bush said as he polished off his second bag of popcorn, ” I went in with too high of expectations.” Bush also blames his misguided enthusiasm on what he referred to as the ‘sequel curse’ explaining that Katrina had everything; a storm most citizens underestimated, a broken levee, and, an incomparable failure to respond by the local, State and Federal government. “Put all those ingredients in the pot and stir it up and you have an instant classic, nearly impossible to top.”
Bush cited one of the reasons for his excitement for the upcoming hurricane season, in particular Hurricane Gustav, as the cataclysmic level of disasters occurring around the world in the past few years increases. ” Countries from all over the world have been stepping it up in the past few years with disasters getting bigger, badder, and more exciting than ever before. The Tsunami in Indonesia was amazing but lacked the human ineptitude and corruption that Katrina supplied a year later, as well as the lack of care for their own citizens well being that catastrophes in Myanmar and China followed with most recently.”
Bush said he was impressed by the amount of damage in the Sichuan earthquake in China but what amazed him the most, was the timing. ” I don’t think the timing could have been better, they left just enough time between the quake and the Olympics to gain some sympathy and deflect some human rights issues in time for their Olympic debut, I was really hoping we would have a response this hurricane season but it doesn’t look like that is going to happen.”
Bush had plenty of time on the flight home to critique Gustav, claiming that he hasn’t been this disappointed in a potential disaster since Y2K and expressing regret that he had left this disaster up to mother nature.
“A lot of work went into making sure Katrina was an unprecedented disaster, but with expectations already high for Gustav, I figured I would let mother nature do the work, it was a miscalculation and mistake on my part.”
“I think I might have been getting spoiled as of late,” Bush mused in between twizzlers,”it’s not just Katrina, tragedies like 9/11 and the Iraq war have really set the bar high.” Bush went on to say that “No one knew what to expect with 9/11, it was a low budget man-made disaster,with a small crew ,but after it’s success I knew I would finally get the funding to do my dream project, and honor my father’s underrated Gulf War with a sequel.”
“By bringing back Gulf War veterans like Saddam Hussein and Colin Powell, we are able to stay true to the original while building on to the story by introducing exciting new nemesis Ala Osama, the Taliban, Al Qaeda, …” at this point Bush became teary eyed and paused before concluding” my father left some big shoes to fill with Gulf War one, a lot of unanswered questions, I can only hope we came close to answering some of them in this war.”
With the plane heading east towards D.C. and President Bush coming down from his sugar high, he began to nod off but not before responding to one last question, when asked what was next for the soon to be former President?
“I am by no means retiring when I leave office, ” he said leaving little doubt,” but I plan on taking a less hands on, more behind the scenes role on any catastrophes, disasters, calamities, or epidemics in the future, ” after a few contemplative moments a mischievous smile overtook his face, “I don’t know what I’ll be doing yet, maybe I’ll bring Osama back, I’ve always been a sucker for the false flag attack, you’ll just have to wait and see, I like to keep people on their toes.”