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Cosmo Knows Shit All about YOUR Va-jay-jay

March 5, 2008

picture-1.pngThat’s right, I said it. Someone had to. And surprise motherfucker that someone is me. I know what your thinking- I sure could go for some rice pudding. Not me that shits for the birds but after you see this you’re probably gonna be wondering what a Va-jay-jay is, I know I was. Turns out Va-jay-jay is slang for vagina. After some diligent research on my behalf I found out that the word vagina, if you dare believe dictionary.com, is the medical term for axe wound which, as you know, The Big Ten is all too familiar with. After taking a gander at the article I was shocked to find that Cosmo knows shit all about your Va-jay-Jay! Here’s where they went wrong:

Cosmo: “It comes in a lot of varieties…no two look the same”

Wrong. What’s a matter Cosmo, you’ve never heard a vagina has no face? Every publicly schooled boy knows that since he’s ten.

Cosmo: “It Sweats”.

Ewww. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Cosmo: “It’s not a black hole…women worry that tampons and other items can become ‘lost’ in the vagina.

Wrong again Cosmo that’s the first place you should check if you lose your keys, cellphone, dignity.

Cosmo: “It needs to be checked out…use a mirror to do a self exam once a month.”

Actually Cosmo is dead on about this one, except about the mirror. At least one source has found that not unlike a vampire the vagina is invisible in most mirrors. Have a friend or acquaintance do a thorough examination, also, have them check for any tampons or “other items” that you might have left up there.

Cosmo: “There are some design flaws…if the clitoris were was inside your vagina instead of above it, it would be a lot easier to stimulate with the penis.”

Clitoris? You can’t just make up words Cosmo. Busted.

In case this was not enough analysis of a Cosmo article for you here’s a quickie on another cover article in which they fail miserably to give you answers to the following questions:

Sex he has alone: Where and When. How often. What’s his shocking go to fantasy.

This is your man when your not home. This is him in the morning. This is him at night and at work etc. etc. etc. I wouldn’t dare guess what his ‘go to’ fantasy is but I can guarantee it does not involve this.

The Big Ten Bitch. You better Ax’ Some body

12 Hours on Reddit’s Front Page

December 28, 2007

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WSM sat on Reddit’s front page for this post (well picture) for about 12 hours, starting at 10PM PST on December 27, 2007. As of this writing, our post garnered 50 comments. The Reddit listing racked up 99 comments with 444 points. After 36 points, in 1/2 hour, the post landed on the front page. From what we can tell, its highest position was 11 and lowest is 39, which is where it currently sits.

The Basics:

Visitors: 37,360
Pageviews: 43,070
Average Pages per Visit: 1.15
Average Time on Site: 19 seconds
Bounce Rate: 94.48%

Top Fifteen Countries According to Number of Visits:

*WSM received traffic from 131 countries or territories.

1. United States (25,618 visits)
2. Canada (2,983)
3. United Kingdom (2,073)
4. Australia (734)
5. Germany (491)
6. Netherlands (380)
7. India (342)
8. Sweden (312)
9. France (281)
10. Finland (279)
11. Norway (254)
12. Ireland (211)
13. Belgium (196)
14. Spain (186)
15. Denmark (180)

Ten Interesting Countries Include (in no particular order):

1. Ghana (1)
2. Bahrain (3)
3. Liechtenstein (1)
4. Faroe Islands (3)
5. Kazakhstan (3)
6. Brunei (4)
7. Iran (4)
8. Iraq (9)
9. Pakistan (16)
10. Ethiopia (10)

Top Ten States:

1. California (3,930)
2. New York (2,188)
3. Texas (1,734)
4. Massachusetts (1,181)
5. Illinois (1,178)
6. Washington (1,042)
7. Florida (1,035)
8. Pennsylvania (982)
9. Virginia (899)
10. New Jersey (894)

Browsers:

1. Firefox: 24,189
2. Internet Explorer: 7,199
3. Safari: 3,700
4. Opera: 1,341
5. Mozilla: 445
6. Camino: 276

Operating Systems:

1. Windows (25,598)
2. Macintosh (7,439)
3. Linux (2,883)
4. iPhone (226)
5. iPod (66)
Let me know there are other stats you’d like to see.

I am Worldly

December 8, 2007

I am back. In the USA. After four months. I am excited to be back, but I have to admit I am a little apprehensive about the big adjustment that lies ahead. First off, I have changed and matured, basically become a more cultured person as a whole, and I don’t know how it’s gonna work trying to get along with people who haven’t grown with me.

I am not saying I will not try, but I definitely have a difficult road ahead of me. Maybe not as difficult as the muddy road I hiked to a 100 foot waterfall in a Thailand Jungle, or the rocky, mazed roads of Pompeii, but a road never-less. I just think this might be a readjusting period.

For example, when speaking to one of my roommates through skype from an internet cafe in Rayong Beach, Thailand (no time to explain where that is, you wouldn’t understand), I learned that my roommate’s are doing a weekly taco night. A TACO NIGHT. And this is the type of thing that gets their panties wet. Well call me crazy, Travis, but how is a taco night better than Oktoberfest? See what I mean.

And will anyone please explain to me how someone, like myself, who spent three weeks island hopping from one greek island to another is supposed to muster up any sort of mild excitement for coming home for christmas to Boulder, Colorado to see family and friends? Last time I checked there is absolutely no island hopping anywhere near that place.

What am I supposed to say when I get there? “Oh hi mom, hi dad it’s really good to see you?” When what I am really thinking is, hey dad – try maybe taking a peek at an Italian Vogue every once in a while, cause you look like a fucking asshole in that sweater. Just a peek is all.

Or Maybe I will fake an “Oh thanks little sis’ for the present, I love it!”. When what I really want to say is, wow where did you get this? Flatirons mall? That’s amazing you drove fifteen minutes to a mall; my gift comes from the nether regions of south eastern asia, but at least it will only take me less then one minute to throw this pedestrian shit in the garbage.

Only time will tell whether or not people are gonna step up to the challenge. Cause as it stands, I am in the penthouse at hotel worldly, and most of these people are down in the mail room. It’s not necessarily your fault and it is never to late to change, if you’re under fifty. So come on by sometime and say hi, just don’t expect to stay for tea unless you can have a conversation about bathing in the natural spa’s of Cambodia with Buddhist monks, or at least traversing the Berlin wall. Can’t wait to see you guys!

CONKWEAR Launches

October 5, 2007

conk-wear

From the site…..

Today is the launch of CONKWEAR.COM! We are really happy with the way the
t-shirts turned out. I’ve been wearing mine almost everyday and people
seemed stoked about them. We only have limited sizes right now but hope to
have all sizes soon. If your size is not available please let us know so we
can get them in sooner.

Our goal with starting this blog is to get some feedback about the tees and
what you guys want to see. If there is a color or style you’re looking for
please let us know and leave a comment. We will have many new styles coming
soon including: hoodies, accessories and more v-necks and tanks tops for
ladies.

Also, if you didn’t get a chance please check out the charities page and see
the causes you are helping by wearing CONK.

NOTE: WSM does not condone giving to charity. Purchase one of those badass t-shirts immediately.

World’s Most Ridiculous 911 Call

October 3, 2007

Some moron called 911 because her western barbeque burger wasn’t up to snuff. It is always fun to laugh at the pure idiocy of some of the trash in this country. Good ol America.

“Ma’am, we’re not gonna go down there and enforce your Western Bacon Cheeseburger.”

Shootin’ Babies

August 27, 2007

“I’m shooting babies no if’s and’s or maybe’s.”

I can’t get this lyric out of my head. It’s one of the most perfectly ridiculous rap lyrics of all time and comes from the late great B.I.G. Lines like these are the reason I love rap. Shootin babies? Now that’s hard . The three best reasons ( in the rap world) to shoot someone are as follows:

1.) Set Trippin.

2.) Sneaker Scuffin.

3.) Scally waggin.

But why would you shoot a baby? No if’s and’s or maybe’s? So no I’m gonna shoot a baby IF it tries something with my girl. Or I’m gonna shoot a baby AND then get a sandwich. Or I am gonna shoot a baby but maybe I will stab the baby instead. Biggie will have nothing to do with any of those scenarios. That ‘s why he is one of the best.

WSM Says: WSM does not support shooting babies. WSM would never shoot a baby. WSM would however, shoot a toddler. WSM would shoot a toddler right in it’s smug little toddler face.

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