December 4, 2011
It’s me Bridget Jones from those movies from years ago? I can’t believe they made a series of movies on my life. I must say I was rather flattered by their portrayal. Especially with a dream boat like Hugh Grant lusting after me! Why I must admit it made me a wee bit sticky in the trousers. Hehehe.
It’s simply a dream that the entire world is absolutely captivated by the private postings of little old me. Saggy titted Bridget Jones, a stupid twat from a nobody family is now on the tip of every tongue on earth, from mud covered peasants to pink cheeked presidents and kings, everyone around the globe has Bridget Jones fever!
I started this diary as way to make sense of my chubby life as a thirty something Londoner with absolutely nothing to live for and now it has blossomed into one of the most influential writings in the civilized world. Silly, clumsy, pathological liar Bridget Jones, from a little old island called England is now considered to be the most powerful cultural forces to come out of the UK.
It actually disgusts me to think that there are heterosexual men out there right now stuffing their half limp logs into their non-Bridget Jones-Esque wives all the while closing their eyes and imagining its my holes they are plugging. I get depressed to think that most men will never have the opportunity to spend an afternoon deep sea diving for my tuna or a late night hammering away at my hip ham.
Oh well, just another day in the meaningless life of my internationally documented existence. What will happen next for bad breathed, infertile, offensively unnatractive Bridget Jones and her Diary? Wouldn’t you not want to know?