I Should Have Known You Would Ruin The Pro-Life Rally

November 13, 2008

dotsie.jpgNow you knew when you meet me Barbara, that I am not one to hold back on how I feel, or someone who makes a habit of biting their tongue, so it should come as no surprise when I tell you that the decisions you made regarding the catering of our church’s anti-abortion rally were solely responsible for its’ failure and will more than likely lead to more abortions than less. That may seem harsh, and if it has hurt you than I am sorry you feel that way, but I am not sorry for saying it.

It is my duty, not only as the head of our Bible study group, but as a Christian woman to be honest even at the risk of hurting one of my dear friend’s feelings. When you brought up the idea of bringing some light snacks to our next rally, I was apprehensive to say the least but against my better judgement, I did not openly voice my concerns. Although I did mention to Nancy and Diane that I thought it was a horrible idea. Did they listen? Of course not. I’m only the sole individual responsible for coordinating the event, finding pictures of the murdered babies, blowing them up at Kinko’s, and checking with the police department to see how close we could legally position ourselves in front of the high school.

And I didn’t want to bring this up but did it ever cross your mind whether or not you should have gotten my approval before introducing it at the meeting? Apparently not based upon the way you ambushed me in the middle of the planning session. I let you into one of the most exclusive Bible clubs in Colorado Springs and this is how you repay me?

I immediately knew I had made a mistake by not vetoing your idea when I showed up at the school that morning and saw the cotton candy machine. How you thought soft, colorful, delicious candy was going to help stop innocent babies from being aborted I will never know.

Even if you had good intentions, the food you brought to the rally seemed to attract more attention then the message we were attempting to spread. Instead of making good use of my time by getting the word out on the evils of Planned Parenthood, I spent the majority of it  assuring the students that the mini-burgers were in fact free and that they could have as many refills of soda as they desired. The goal of these rallies is to get kids to discuss and debate the rights of Pro-life and the wrongs of pro-choice, the only discussion I saw them having was a debate over who got to eat the last hot dog.

I would never ever suggest that you are some sort of Judas, but the way you went around my back and turned my rally into some sort of all you can eat buffet was far from Christ-like.  I can not count the number of students who complimented me on how much more they liked this year’s graduation picnic than last year’s, so don’t come crying to me when you find that your responsibilities have been greatly diminished next month at our gay marriage protest. I am not the one who was rescued from obscurity by a stranger and given everything a God fearing woman could ever want from a weekly church group only to return the favor with Judas-like treachery.

I don’t know where to go from here, I have some serious decisions to make. I have gone against my God given instincts a couple of times with you and I don’t know if the Bible Group can afford another one of your blunders. Only time and prayer will answer that question. I am praying for you and I suggest you do the same. If I do allow you to stay, you will be walking on eggshells and if you mess up again, you will be right back where I found you- taking minutes at Jews for Jesus meetings.

Ditch Me for One More of your Friend’s Funerals and We’re Through

October 31, 2008

photo-3.jpgHey babe. I have been doing a lot of thinking, mainly about us and where I see this relationship going. As you may have noticed, things have not been going that well as of late. My therapist told me that for a relationship to be successful, each partner must draw clearly defined lines and be respectful of those lines if they intend on continuing that relationship. It’s been one of the hardest decisions that I have ever had to make but I have decided that if you continue to choose to spend your time attending another one of your friends funerals over spending time with the man that you supposedly love, then I will have to break up with you.

I hate to have to give you an ultimatum but I guess that’s what it has come to for me. I just got to the point where I had to ask myself,  where do I draw the line? In the past couple of  weeks you have chosen  to spend the majority of your time visiting friend’s in the hospital, or going to their various funerals, or memorials, or wakes, the list goes on and on. Even when I did attend a few of those events with you, you hardly paid any attention to me at all. I want a girlfriend who if we are out together, whether its for dinner and a movie, or scrabble at a friends place, or one of her dead team mates from her amateur softball leagues funerals, she acts like I am her sole reason for being there. That’s the girlfriend I did have until you pulled a one-eighty on me sometime after the bus accident.

I know it’s been hard for you, I hear it everyday and I tried, believe me I tried to get on board with your new hobbies. Remember how I helped you with Sheryl’s collage? I was supposed to play poker that night, off course you didn’t know that cause you didn’t even think to ask if I had plans before asking me to pick up some pictures of Sheryl at her mother’s house on the way home from work. I don’t like making collages, that’s a girl thing. Do you know how much shit I got at work from Dave the next day when I told him I spent the night making a collage and arranging flowers? Dave’s not just gonna let that go.

I even went with you to Beth’s and Heather’s funerals without making a peep about missing two of the most important Nuggets games of the season, which we lost btw thanks for asking. And when I floated my Saving Private Ryan idea about not putting the entire soft ball team on the same bus to Beth and Heather’s brother and he called me a fucking asshole, you just sat there saying nothing. How do you think that made me feel?

Even when you are home you’re constantly on the phone with a friend or relative, or you’re writing one of your little eulogies, or just locking yourself in the bathroom with the lights off. When we first started dating you never used to curl up in the fetal position in your closet for hours on end, now that seems to be more important to you then going to quiz night at the Bear Inn. You used to love to do that kind of stuff. Who is this stranger and what have they done with my girlfriend?

Even little things like a couple days ago when I asked you to pick me up some beer on your way home from Ashley’s fundraiser and you brought home Coors light. Come on babe, you know I don’t tap the Rockies, at least you used to. And I don’t mean to be harsh, I mean Beth and Heather I understand but Ashley? Before she was in a coma you used to constantly complain about how shallow you thought she was. And now all of the sudden you are organizing fundraisers and driving her son to school everyday. Seems a little hypocritical if you ask me.

I truly do hope we get through this, I do. I have done my part now it is up to you. You have some serious thinking to do. I think you have to ask yourself, do you want to be with the man you have shared your life with for the last few years? Or would you rather continue to devote your life to the mourning and memory of people that died over two weeks ago. I know it doesn’t seem like it now but there will be other teams in the future. Better teams where you can make friends with better softball players who hire better bus drivers that don’t fall asleep at the wheel. The future looks bright, care to join me?

Oh hell no! Did you just step on my gators dogg?

October 9, 2008

wigger-15344.jpgTell me it ain’t so homie, tell me you didn’t just scuff my gators. What you blind B? That must be it-you blind. Shit, you want me to go get some tin and and a hammer and knock the shit out in braille , you just stepped on my gators nigga. Yeah you see me, I know you aint blind bitch but you must be deaf cause I don’t hear you apologizing fo’ shit.

What you deaf bitch? Cause I know words be rolling out my grill at a rapid motherfucking pace all up in your direction. Oh you must be deaf disrespectin me like this. You want me to sign it out for you hellen keller-you just stepped on my gators holmes. Oh you don’t want me to sign this out cause I do all my signin with my motherfucking heaters! Twenty 2 two’s mofucka! I know you can hear me so you must got A.D.D. or some shit, ignoring me and what not.

What you got A.D.D. punta? Damn I know you got that shit otherwise you would have noticed me by now, and recognized that you stepped on this thugs gators. What you run out of ridilin, you need your daily dose? That must be it homie I figured it out. Yo my boy sells that shit on the D.L. he could cop you some cause I want you to be aware of how bad it’s gonna hurt when I break my dick off in your ass faggot. Oh now your paying attention so I know it ain’t A.D.D., what you got diabetes or some shit.

What you got diabetes Jay Cutler?I thought you were scared of the one two’s with all the shaking you’ve been doing, but that must be it! You having a diabetic seizure pussy? That still ain’t no excuse to step on my gators home slice. Yo you want me to go get you some suga negro? Yeah I’ll get you some sugar, as soon as a find a way  to pry my dick out of your mouth queer. No I don’t think it’s the diabetes, you got to have some sort of palsy.

What you got cerebral palsy dickballs? I should have known, oh I should have known you had cerebral palsy you look just like one of those gimp ass bitches. No excuse man, you gotta watch your crippled ass cause you a motherfucking liability dogg. Don’t you have some sort of handler or sumthing? Who let this retard out of his cage cause they owe me some a new pair of gators. Yo you lucky I’m doing community service right now or I would cripple your ass. Naw I aint gonna do that but I am gonna go find yo boy Stephen Hawking, this hospitals got his name all over it so he gonna pay fo’ my gators.