Jealous Jesus

June 13, 2008

jesus01.jpg Hey, how’s it going? I just thought I would drop a line and see what you were up to. Didn’t mean to surprise you or anything I just haven’t seen or heard from you for a while. So what have you been up to? JK, I know exactly what you have been up to and guess what: I-don’t-like-it. Don’t worry though, I forgive you, maybe.

I just feel like we don’t talk or visit anymore and I don’t know why. I know about your new job, you think I don’t know that. I helped you get that job, and one of the main reasons I did was so you would have time to stop by my place on Sundays, which has yet to happen. Is it me? I don’t think so, cause I haven’t changed much, same old savior that BLED on the CROSS for you, same old JC that reigns over heaven in eternal wisdom and love. Don’t be fooled by the flocks that I got, I’m still, I’m Still JC from the cross.

You think you’re clever, you think I don’t notice the way you have been looking for answers elsewhere lately. I will tolerate a little promiscuous piousness here and there but you are crossing the line. Why is it so hard for you to believe in me? It didn ‘t used to be. What’s so great about these new friends of yours? What do Steve and Phil have that I don’t? I know for a fact that they don’t care for me and what really hurts is that it doesn’t seem to bother you. If you like them so much why don’t you worship them? No, go ahead and build a little place, a chapel for Steve and Phil, and then every Sunday you can go to your Steve and Phil church and thank them for all that they have sacrificed for you.

You think I will care, but I won’t. I can replace you in a heartbeat. There’s millions of people who would love to worship at my feet and millions more who already do. So go have fun with your false idols but don’t come crawling back to me when you need help with your job, or your love life, or when your mom’s cancer comes back cause I won’t be there for you. I will be too busy with people who really get me, like you used to. Cause one thing I am not gonna do is be taken for granted, I am better than that- I deserve more.

Wow, it took me a long time to realize that I don’t have to bend over backward to accommodate everyone in the hopes that they will accept me as their personal salvation. The days of talking bushes and parting seas are over my friend, I am not going out of my way to prove my righteousness to you or any of my 6 billion children.

Just know that the love I had for you Bill, is something I don’t know if I can ever give to another human. And know that you may be responsible for that, you-Bill Hutchkins of Omaha. I want you to know, Bill, that I will always forgive, but never forget. I tell you that in the hopes that some day, some glourious day, I will have my Bill Hutchkins of Omaha back, for good.

Insecure Jesus

January 18, 2008

jesus01.jpgIt’s time to clear a few things up.  First of all, and I am just being honest here, a few things about me have been over blown somewhat. One of most common misconceptions that I hear is that I somehow walked on water.  While it is true that I did do something that may have slightly resembled walking on water, in reality it was more of a skid.  I mean did you honestly think that I literally walked on water?

I guess I am a victim of good publicity because while I am technically the son of God, that in no way makes me some sort of magician.  People ask me to do the water trick all the time, and I would be lying if I said that they were less than disappointed with the results. I mean I did that trick two thousand years ago, I had a nice buzz, we were at Paul’s house and I honestly don’t even remember doing it.

Then there is the wine story.  Water to wine yeah that sounds impressive.  Look, between me and you that was a little bit exaggerated.  Yes there was some water. Yes I turned it into wine.  But if I am so great then why didn’t I turn it into something better?  In the long run what does wine do for you besides temporarily make you feel better?  I mean given the chance wouldn’t you do something better with your abilities? I’m such an idiot.

Now I have to come back to earth and do it all again.  I didn’t even do that great of a job in the first place and I am now supposed to save you?  Maybe I could send someone in my place, like Gandhi or JFK.  You would like that wouldn’t you?  Yeah I am gonna get on this right away cause I really don’t think I’m cut out for this.