You’re Not the First Woman Ever to get Pregnant.

November 11, 2010

eastenders-archie-wk13-290×400-5.jpgIs it just me or does it seem like every woman these days who gets pregnant flaunts it like it’s some great achievement? Excuse me if I am not impressed that you got bent over, filled up and now have a chubby bald creature growing in your stomach.

And they talk about it non stop. Every time I interact with a pregnant woman it’s nothing but how their baby is doing and how far along they are blah blah blah.

Look, I am happy for you and all but I don’t give a fuck it turns out to be a boy, a girl or if it pops out of your stomach like that creature from Aliens. And guess what? My feet are sore too, I played four fucking hours of racquetball yesterday.

Sorry, I know I may come off as an asshole but I am not touching your big, protruding, globular belly. It’s not beautiful-it’s gross. I am pretty proud of my dick yet I somehow am able to stop myself from grabbing peoples hands and stuffing them down my fucking trousers.

Long story short- everyone has babies; yours is not a miracle. The only miraculous thing, as far as I can tell, is that you actually found a man willing to stick his thingy into that Venus fly trap of a vagina.

About the Author: Dr. Mark Stevens is Co-Author of the book Series “What to Expect When you are Expecting” and a columnist for He has been a practising OB/GYN in the Seattle area for over twenty-seven years and is widely recognized as one of the foremost experts in his field.