January 22, 2008
Willie Nelson: Musician. Environmentalist. Necrophiliac?
We know exactly how you feel. That is a pretty disturbing accusation. We were just as disturbed when we found out that we had to make said accusations. What it comes down to, however, is one simple question. How well do you know this Willie Nelson? Would you put your life on it that he’s not a necrophiliac? Would you put your daughter’s? We don’t want to believe this. We hope to god it’s not true, but what we are not prepared to do, at this juncture, is rule it out.
While we have no tangible evidence to prove this, could you imagine If we found an old lyric book of his that looked like this:
Do you know how much credibility that would give our case? A lot Pedro. A lot.
So go ahead and ignore this if you want to. Live your life in ignorant bliss. Listening to his classic tunes, watching his shitty movies, supporting the environment. But before you do, take a look at THIS. Now ask yourself what do you see. A musical legend? Maybe. An old hippie. Sure. Now imagine that same face except this time big Willie’s getting jiggy with your dearly departed, ponytail wildly flopping about as he desecrates someone you loved.
Your Nana is trying to rest in piece and he’s trying to break one off. You’re buying tickets to see him in concert, meanwhile this old cowboy is backstage giving it to the latest traffic accident. He likes them fresh. They all do. This possible pervert might need to be stopped. And you’re just sitting there, smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo. You make us sick.