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This is incredible.

July 1, 2011

Inspirational or mornic? Equal parts both.

June 25, 2011

Wheelies Fail to Impress Crush

September 22, 2009

neighborhood-street_jpg.jpgDespite performing  an incredibly impressive wheelie directly in front of classmate Rachel Haysworth’s house , local sixth-grader Danny Nueben once again failed to impress his longtime crush.

Nueben, who has had feelings for Haysworth since the third grade, has struggled to find a way to gain her attention ever since he began attending school with her.

Although his previous attempts had failed, Danny remained confident that his bicycle theatrics would secure him the desperately needed attention he had been missing ever since his parents were killed in an elevator accident last fall.

It seemed like fate to Danny when he performed one of the longest wheelies of his life directly in front of the Haysworth house on Sunday, precisely at the moment the Haysworths were leaving for Sunday mass. Unfortunately for  Danny, Rachel was still inside looking for her left shoe and missed the daring stunt.

Rachel remains unaware of Danny’s existence at the time of publication

Obama Unveils Aggressive ‘Hope Preservation Plan’

August 19, 2008

061211_obama_vlrg_3awidec.jpgDenver, CO-Speaking before an audience at the University of Colorado at Boulder, the likely Democratic presidential candidate outlined an ambitious plan to restore the country’s depleting hope reserves, which he claimed were ‘devastatingly low.’

During the speech, Obama made clear his intentions to implement a fourteen point plan which would include comprehensive ‘happy care’ for every citizen, a policy of turning frowns upside down, and equal access to cotton candy for every American. “For the last eight years citizens of this, the greatest country in the world, have suffered through a never-ending war, an ever weakening economy, and an administration that has refused needed medicine to it’s own countrymen”, he went on to explain that, ” by medicine, I off course am referring to the best medicine of all, laughter.”

The crowd seemed to eat up every last word of Obama’s twenty-minute speech in which he criticized the current administrations policies. “Since this administration has taken office, America has seen euphoria, enthusiasm and half-cup fullitiveness dip below an unprecedented twenty percent.” he went on to say that “this is unacceptable and, if elected, under my plan not only make will I make hope go green, but I will make it profitable to do so.” At this point in the speech Obama brought out machines that shot “hope” dogs into the crowd.

While Obama did not go into any detail on how his Hope Preservation Plan was going to get the US out of Iraq, or strengthen its economy, the attendees seemed pleased with his speech. ” He gave me this T-Shirt,” exclaimed Mike Gange, a 25-year-old city college student who was referring to a shirt giving out during the rally with the words ” Don’t say Nope to Hope” displayed across the front.

Many critics of Obama’s pointed to this, his latest speech, as being consistent with a pattern of vapid, repetitive rhetoric that, ultimately, offers no solutions to any of the problems that America, or the world at large, faces today. ” Obama is a great showmen,” said Colorado Republican chairman Richard Hamswad,” but his brilliant theatrics in no way equate to brilliant politics,” he said,” I just don’t understand how chanting ‘ice cream Mondays’ would persuade anyone to vote for him.”

Depending on which poll you trust, Obama either has a gigantic lead or a small one, but anyone who had attended this rally would rightly assume that McCain has no chance in hope. While Senator Barack Obama did not make himself available to answer questions after his speech, his representatives assured the press that he would answer any question after his speech at the Hope-o-caust museum in Washington D.C. next week, we can only assume that means the Holocaust Museum.

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