Insecure Jesus

It’s time to clear a few things up.  First of all, and I am just being honest here, a few things about me have been over blown somewhat. One of most common misconceptions that I hear is that I somehow walked on water.  While it is true that I did do something that may have slightly resembled walking on water, in reality it was more of a skid.  I mean did you honestly think that I literally walked on water?

I guess I am a victim of good publicity because while I am technically the son of God, that in no way makes me some sort of magician.  People ask me to do the water trick all the time, and I would be lying if I said that they were less than disappointed with the results. I mean I did that trick two thousand years ago, I had a nice buzz, we were at Paul’s house and I honestly don’t even remember doing it.

Then there is the wine story.  Water to wine yeah that sounds impressive.  Look, between me and you that was a little bit exaggerated.  Yes there was some water. Yes I turned it into wine.  But if I am so great then why didn’t I turn it into something better?  In the long run what does wine do for you besides temporarily make you feel better?  I mean given the chance wouldn’t you do something better with your abilities? I’m such an idiot.

Now I have to come back to earth and do it all again.  I didn’t even do that great of a job in the first place and I am now supposed to save you?  Maybe I could send someone in my place, like Gandhi or JFK.  You would like that wouldn’t you?  Yeah I am gonna get on this right away cause I really don’t think I’m cut out for this.