Trump Sightings On the Rise in Yellowstone National Park

Cheyenne, WY- Reported sightings of a Donald Trump have skyrocketed in the past few weeks in or around Yellowstone National Park, with park rangers, tourists, and residents alike coming forward to report seeing ‘the Donald’; some of whom claim to have had intimate interactions with the elusive entrepreneur.

“I had heard of the recent sightings of the Donald but dismissed them as third hand rumors, ones which I did not take seriously,”said Elliott Myers, a Yellowstone Ranger with fifteen years of service in the park. ” So you could imagine my shock when I practically ran into one three weeks ago while on patrol. It seemed to be docile, but just to play it safe I released about half a can of bear mace into what I assumed to be it’s eyes before making a run for it.”

Ranger Myers says he has become less skeptical of other Trump sightings since seeing it in person that day and his account adds to a growing list of similar sightings, including one from David Ellis, an avid bird watcher who frequents the park during the weekends.

“I was birdwatching last Saturday when I saw a blinding reflection of light coming from about a mile to the east”. Reported  Ellis, who tracked the reflection to within a few hundred feet but halted his pursuit when he realized the reflections were coming from the wrist and fingers of what appeared to be a Donald Trump. “I watched it from a far for a while, it seemed to be using some sort of tool to mark off a circular area in a clearing at the bottom of a hill. When it was finished with that, it took out a flag and placed it  in the center of the circle and that’s when it appeared to become aware of my presence.”

When asked how he was certain that the Donald had become aware that it was being watched?

” It sounds crazy but the Donald appeared to be winking at me and gesturing with his finger over his mouth. Although to be honest, those are details I decided to omit when I reported the sighting to the authorities.”

Ellis claims that he was turned away at the cabin after the rangers laughed off his report, and failed to investigate or even log his account in their files.

Since the beginning of August, reported sightings of the Donald have been coming into Yellow Stone Park HQ on a weekly basis, so many, that the park service held a press conference on Tuesday where Public Relations Director Steve Cooligan announced that an official investigation into the sightings had been opened.

While it may seem irrelevant whether or not these recent Trump sitings are true or merely a product of a collective imagination, if they do find them to be accurate, there is some precedent for Yellowstone officials to be concerned. Previous reported sightings of a Donald Trump in New York, New Jersey, California and overseas have been accompanied in the following months with the appearance of ostentatious buildings and environmentally destructive golf courses that have left residents in the effected areas wishing they had listened to those who claimed they saw the trademark golden puff of hair out and about prior to the subsequent development.

The general feeling from both officials and residents of Yellowstone is more of skepticism than concern, however, many including Mike Hannigan, who is considered to be the foremost Trump expert in North America, feel that the Yellowstone sightings may be more fact than folklore.

“Many of the key ingredients are here: reports of a strong smell of Mambo Cologne throughout the park, the appearance of heavy landscaping equipment in neighboring towns, the sudden and ubiquitous presence of literature bad mouthing Theodore Roosevelt, these along with the enumerable amounts of reported sightings have led me to believe that the Donald may very well be somewhere in Yellowstone”.