No better feeling?

Fraggots Love to Pound Ass

Oh hell no! Did you just step on my gators dogg?

Tell me it ain’t so homie, tell me you didn’t just scuff my gators. What you blind B? That must be it-you blind. Shit, you want me to go get some tin and and a hammer and knock the shit out in braille , you just stepped on my gators nigga. Yeah you see me, I know you aint blind bitch but you must be deaf cause I don’t hear you apologizing fo’ shit.

What you deaf bitch? Cause I know words be rolling out my grill at a rapid motherfucking pace all up in your direction. Oh you must be deaf disrespectin me like this. You want me to sign it out for you hellen keller-you just stepped on my gators holmes. Oh you don’t want me to sign this out cause I do all my signin with my motherfucking heaters! Twenty 2 two’s mofucka! I know you can hear me so you must got A.D.D. or some shit, ignoring me and what not.

What you got A.D.D. punta? Damn I know you got that shit otherwise you would have noticed me by now, and recognized that you stepped on this thugs gators. What you run out of ridilin, you need your daily dose? That must be it homie I figured it out. Yo my boy sells that shit on the D.L. he could cop you some cause I want you to be aware of how bad it’s gonna hurt when I break my dick off in your ass faggot. Oh now your paying attention so I know it ain’t A.D.D., what you got diabetes or some shit.

What you got diabetes Jay Cutler?I thought you were scared of the one two’s with all the shaking you’ve been doing, but that must be it! You having a diabetic seizure pussy? That still ain’t no excuse to step on my gators home slice. Yo you want me to go get you some suga negro? Yeah I’ll get you some sugar, as soon as a find a way  to pry my dick out of your mouth queer. No I don’t think it’s the diabetes, you got to have some sort of palsy.

What you got cerebral palsy dickballs? I should have known, oh I should have known you had cerebral palsy you look just like one of those gimp ass bitches. No excuse man, you gotta watch your crippled ass cause you a motherfucking liability dogg. Don’t you have some sort of handler or sumthing? Who let this retard out of his cage cause they owe me some a new pair of gators. Yo you lucky I’m doing community service right now or I would cripple your ass. Naw I aint gonna do that but I am gonna go find yo boy Stephen Hawking, this hospitals got his name all over it so he gonna pay fo’ my gators.

Sarah Palin did not Exist in 2001

Google search results from 2001 (only 7 years ago!!) for Sarah Palin, not a single one about her.  And now she might be president.  Barack also included below.

Oprah fans are fucking morons

Bush Declares Hurricane Gustav a Dismal Failure.

Washington, D.C.- In an interview on board Air Force One as it circled the destruction caused by Hurricane Gustav on Monday, Bush expressed his disappointment in Gustav’s failure to live up to it’s expected level of devastation in the Gulf Coast.

“I knew I should not have listened to all of the pre-coverage,” Bush said as he polished off his second bag of popcorn, ” I went in with too high of expectations.” Bush also blames his misguided enthusiasm on what he referred to as the ’sequel curse’ explaining that Katrina had everything; a storm most citizens underestimated, a broken levee, and, an incomparable failure to respond by the local, State and Federal government. “Put all those ingredients in the pot and stir it up and you have an instant classic, nearly impossible to top.”

Bush cited one of the reasons for his excitement for the upcoming hurricane season, in particular Hurricane Gustav, as the cataclysmic level of disasters occurring around the world in the past few years increases. ” Countries from all over the world have been stepping it up in the past few years with disasters getting bigger, badder, and more exciting than ever before. The Tsunami in Indonesia was amazing but lacked the human ineptitude and corruption that Katrina supplied a year later, as well as the lack of care for their own citizens well being that catastrophes in Myanmar and China followed with most recently.”

Bush said he was impressed by the amount of damage in the Sichuan earthquake in China but what amazed him the most, was the timing. ” I don’t think the timing could have been better, they left just enough time between the quake and the Olympics to gain some sympathy and deflect some human rights issues in time for their Olympic debut, I was really hoping we would have a response this hurricane season but it doesn’t look like that is going to happen.”

Bush had plenty of time on the flight home to critique Gustav, claiming that he hasn’t been this disappointed in a potential disaster since Y2K and expressing regret that he had left this disaster up to mother nature.

“A lot of work went into making sure Katrina was an unprecedented disaster, but with expectations already high for Gustav, I figured I would let mother nature do the work, it was a miscalculation and mistake on my part.”

“I think I might have been getting spoiled as of late,” Bush mused in between twizzlers,”it’s not just Katrina, tragedies like 9/11 and the Iraq war have really set the bar high.” Bush went on to say that “No one knew what to expect with 9/11, it was a low budget man-made disaster,with a small crew ,but after it’s success I knew I would finally get the funding to do my dream project, and honor my father’s underrated Gulf War with a sequel.”

“By bringing back Gulf War veterans like Saddam Hussein and Colin Powell, we  are able to stay true to the original while building on to the story by introducing exciting new nemesis Ala Osama, the Taliban, Al Qaeda, …” at this point Bush became teary eyed and paused before concluding” my father left some big shoes to fill with Gulf War one, a lot of unanswered questions, I can only hope we came close to answering some of them in this war.”

With the plane heading east towards D.C. and President Bush coming down from his sugar high, he began to nod off but not before responding to one last question, when asked what was next for the soon to be former President?

“I am by no means retiring when I leave office, ” he said leaving little doubt,” but I plan on taking a less hands on, more behind the scenes role on any catastrophes, disasters, calamities, or epidemics in the future, ” after a few contemplative moments a mischievous smile overtook his face, “I don’t know what I’ll be doing yet, maybe I’ll bring Osama back, I’ve always been a sucker for the false flag attack, you’ll just have to wait and see, I like to keep people on their toes.”

No Idiots, China Won the Olympics

Now that the Olympics are officially over, I want to take a moment to point out the absurdity of the medal tracking used by major media outlets, at least here in the United States. Similar to the tracker below from CNN, we are forgetting to weight these fucking scores when determining the most successful countries in all around Olympic performance. CNN will have you believe that the United States won the “Gold” in the Olympics, but I beg to differ.

Let’s do some simple math to determine the real winner….

Gold = 3 points

Silver = 2 points

Bronze = 1 point

*The country with the most cumulative points wins. It’s that simple.

United States Point Breakdown:

36 Gold (36*3) = 108

38 Silver (38*2) = 76

36 Bronze (36*1) = 36

Total points for the United States = 220

China Points breakdown:

51 Gold (51*3) = 153

21 Silver (21*2) = 42

28 Bronze (28*1) = 28

Total points for China = 223

China won the fucking Olympics. The prehistorically simple medal tracking calculation needs to go, and I believe that I have proposed a fair solution. In gymnastics, diving, and an absurd number of other more obscure sports, scores are calculated to the hundredth of a point, but for the big win, the all around most athletically badass country, we resort to simply going with the total number of medals. What the fuck. I hate to say it, but China won the Olympics…by one twelve year-old gymnast.

Update:  Great post on China winning the Olympics.

Obama Unveils Aggressive ‘Hope Preservation Plan’

Denver, CO-Speaking before an audience at the University of Colorado at Boulder, the likely Democratic presidential candidate outlined an ambitious plan to restore the country’s depleting hope reserves, which he claimed were ‘devastatingly low.’

During the speech, Obama made clear his intentions to implement a fourteen point plan which would include comprehensive ‘happy care’ for every citizen, a policy of turning frowns upside down, and equal access to cotton candy for every American. “For the last eight years citizens of this, the greatest country in the world, have suffered through a never-ending war, an ever weakening economy, and an administration that has refused needed medicine to it’s own countrymen”, he went on to explain that, ” by medicine, I off course am referring to the best medicine of all, laughter.”

The crowd seemed to eat up every last word of Obama’s twenty-minute speech in which he criticized the current administrations policies. “Since this administration has taken office, America has seen euphoria, enthusiasm and half-cup fullitiveness dip below an unprecedented twenty percent.” he went on to say that “this is unacceptable and, if elected, under my plan not only make will I make hope go green, but I will make it profitable to do so.” At this point in the speech Obama brought out machines that shot “hope” dogs into the crowd.

While Obama did not go into any detail on how his Hope Preservation Plan was going to get the US out of Iraq, or strengthen its economy, the attendees seemed pleased with his speech. ” He gave me this T-Shirt,” exclaimed Mike Gange, a 25-year-old city college student who was referring to a shirt giving out during the rally with the words ” Don’t say Nope to Hope” displayed across the front.

Many critics of Obama’s pointed to this, his latest speech, as being consistent with a pattern of vapid, repetitive rhetoric that, ultimately, offers no solutions to any of the problems that America, or the world at large, faces today. ” Obama is a great showmen,” said Colorado Republican chairman Richard Hamswad,” but his brilliant theatrics in no way equate to brilliant politics,” he said,” I just don’t understand how chanting ‘ice cream Mondays’ would persuade anyone to vote for him.”

Depending on which poll you trust, Obama either has a gigantic lead or a small one, but anyone who had attended this rally would rightly assume that McCain has no chance in hope. While Senator Barack Obama did not make himself available to answer questions after his speech, his representatives assured the press that he would answer any question after his speech at the Hope-o-caust museum in Washington D.C. next week, we can only assume that means the Holocaust Museum.

Marvin The Human & DJ Jack Nimble

The worlds smartest man is a fitting name for this blog granted that a good amount of the new music posted here is from over seas. This week check out Marvin from UK. He has been in the UK rap scene for awhile now, originally going as Marvin the Martian in the rap crew Why Lout. He just released his new disc called “Devil in the distance” which is pretty cool from what I have heard so far. The tracks today are from a mix he put out a while back. It is quite common in the UK for rappers to build a fan base by releasing free remix album before their original album. If you like these tracks you can download the entire 29 track mix here.

Bonus points for guessing what songs he remixed! Stay tuned next week for some electronic music from Japan.

Enjoy-

Caseytron

Listen to Mystery Jets - Young Love

This week the song comes for the Mystery Jets hailing from the UK. They area young band with a lot of energy and the ability to write some catchy hooks and channel the 80 more successfully than many of today’s throw back bands while still sounding fresh. The track “young love” appears on their new album called “twenty one” and features the awesome female vocals of Laura Marling, a talented singer/songwriter in her own right. This track has out a smile on my face the last couple of weeks, so I hope you enjoy it.

Also check out a fun remix by The Shoes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMar6O5UNcc

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