You’re Not the First Woman Ever to get Pregnant.

Is it just me or does it seem like every woman these days who gets pregnant flaunts it like it’s some great achievement? Excuse me if I am not impressed that you got bent over, filled up and now have a chubby bald creature growing in your stomach.

And they talk about it non stop. Every time I interact with a pregnant woman it’s nothing but how their baby is doing and how far along they are blah blah blah.

Look, I am happy for you and all but I don’t give a fuck it turns out to be a boy, a girl or if it pops out of your stomach like that creature from Aliens. And guess what? My feet are sore too, I played four fucking hours of racquetball yesterday.

Sorry, I know I may come off as an asshole but I am not touching your big, protruding, globular belly. It’s not beautiful-it’s gross. I am pretty proud of my dick yet I somehow am able to stop myself from grabbing peoples hands and stuffing them down my fucking trousers.

Long story short- everyone has babies; yours is not a miracle. The only miraculous thing, as far as I can tell, is that you actually found a man willing to stick his thingy into that Venus fly trap of a vagina.

About the Author: Dr. Mark Stevens is Co-Author of the book Series “What to Expect When you are Expecting” and a columnist for Obgyn.net. He has been a practising OB/GYN in the Seattle area for over twenty-seven years and is widely recognized as one of the foremost experts in his field.

Men Still Dominating.

According to an article posted on  CNN.com today, men are still the dominate majority in Congress, as they have been, since its inception.

Men have been dominant in most things going back to the big bang. Here you can see a group of men celebrating their recent MLB World championship. Even though professional baseball has been around for over 200 years, women have failed to win even one World Series.

Women have tried to be dominate in many fields failing to do so in any significant way.

Only time will tell how long they will continue to embarrass themselves but many experts agree that they do not see any indication that their unprecedented losing streak will change anytime soon.

I am an Average Man.

I am an Average Man. Of mainly modest means.

I like manly things. E.G. urinals and chicken wings.

I get wet, at the sight, of a well fueled jet.

I get excited, and delighted when two comets are collided.

I like explosive explosions and gun shot wounds.

I enjoy stomping on roses and spitting on tombs.

I’m simplistic. Sadistic. Sarcastic and drastic.

I’m simplistically sadistically sarcastically boombastic.

Your boobs are clearly plastic and they clearly are fantastic.

I am an Average Man. Of mainly modest means.

I write average poems. With mainly vapid themes.

That’s all, just a good commercial.

WSM Poll: Was Jesus a Good Carpenter?

 

It’s well established that Jesus had a day job as a carpenter prior to his fame but was he any good?

 

• Yes, Jesus was one of the best carpenters of all time.

• No, Jesus was too busy spreading the gospel to focus on carpentry.

• He was good but he purposely played it down so that he did not steal away business from the other carpenters.

 

Click here to view the results. 

Conan Returns Today!

Back in September Conan told his audience “I’ll be back” and today he returns for the first time in over two years. I hope the network  doesn’t tell Conan to Hasta la vista  this time around!

Do Not Vote For This Guy.

This guy promised Winnipeg free Wi-Fi six years ago and has yet to deliver. Where’s the free why Wi-Fi Sam? Where? Just another politician full of empty promises, who waffles on any controversial issues all the while openly kicking black children in the face. Typical.

Near-Miracle Almost Spares Young Track Star

 

           Wyoming. — A miracle nearly occurred on Monday when local track star Mike McHughes crashed his bicycle into a wooded area, barely not dying after a tree branch entered his body lightly nicking his aorta.

 McHughes, a junior at Fairbrooks high, was on his way home from practice when he ran off the road, bailed from his bike and impaled himself on a tree branch.

One of the first responders to the scene , 20 year veteran EMT James Daives was shocked at how close McHughes came to surviving the crash.

 ”I have seen literally thousands of accidents where serious injury or a fatality has been the result of severe chest trauma, but I have never seen someone who came so close to not bleeding to death. It really makes you wonder.” Davies mused while zipping up McHughes’s body bag at the accident scene on Monday evening.

 Davies is not the only one dumbfounded by this loss of life.

 ”If the branch had entered his chest by just a centimeter or two to the to the left”, postulated Sam Weaver the coroner who performed McHughes autopsy,”- and I mean literally  one centimeter to the left of his aorta, he would be dancing at his prom come June.”

 

World’s Most Bizarre Workout Video

Balls

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