The Ugly Australian

I am not one of those guys who would never hit a girl. I don’t think she knows this cause she is giving me good reason to do exactly that.

She is angry because I called her a cunt. I didn’t of course but that is what she would tell you. I called her cunty. Which she is. Now I am explaining the difference between an adjective and a noun.

Lets start somewhere near a beginning. I am in Munich. OktobEERst, ( I made that up). I had got in late, met some like minded folk and headed for the festival. Time and memory went quicker than the liters of beer and before I knew it I was being shaken awake.

Cunty MC Cunington of Cuntsville: ” Shut the fuck up! ”

Hero (Me) : “What?”

It takes me a while to realize that I am back in my hostel room.

CMCoC: “I can’t sleep. Stop fucking snoring!”

I inform said cunt that it could not be me for I am proud recipient of nasal surgery, thus curing me forever of anything resembling her outrageous claims. The rest of the people in the room concur. Not with me unfortunately.

I can’t be bothered however as I head back to my semi-conscious state. I am awake again and with my Mayan like instincts I determine purely based upon the position of the sun that it is morning. A cunt filled whine starts to burn my ears. When I see why my ears are burning my eyes have a similar reaction.

She wants an apology. I inquire as to what it is she wants an apology for cause I flat out refuse to apologise for breathing while sleeping. This logical explanation only seems to enrage her more. Her face grows redder than a baboon cunt.

I cannot emphasize enough that I am not embellishing or exaggerating how outragous this Aussie cunt was. She started to threaten me with pre-emptive nasal surgery to prevent an encore performance the following night. I wanted to tell her that her face looked like god’s first rough draft but I am a gentleman so I told her to stop being so cunty.

Nothing’s louder than a collective gasp.

Now we are back to where I started. Shocked anger does nothing to improve my earlier observation of this cunts facial features. Now the entire room has turned on me. I don’t understand how this word has reached N word status. Cunt is a great word and entirely underused, especially when dealing with the walking epitome of one.

Next day. A gay man at a bath house in San Francisco during gay pride week could not have done a better job of avoiding cunt then I did throughout the rest of my stay. I awoke to something far more beautiful than the rising sun, an empty bed. Our room was officially cunt free. My victory was short lived however as I soon noticed that my IPOD charger had been swiped. I have no proof but I highly suspect the young lady I had the disagreement with might be responsible.